My life has been stolen away from me, yet again, by another disease, just some more letters to add to my Alphabet Soup. Leave it to me to get a disease I never even believed in, I just thought it was a catch all diagnosis that a doctor gave you when they couldn't figure out your issues and wanted you off of their back but now I know that this is very real.
I'm tired....no that isn't right, that doesn't describe it, I'm fatigued....yet that doesn't full encompass it either. Imagine you are running the last leg of a marathon, pushing as hard as you can even though you feel like you have nothing left, drained to the very last drop of energy, you are running on fumes...and then you collapse at the finish line, oh the sweet relief of lying down....yeah thats CFS but you aren't running a marathon, you are just trying to get the grocery shopping done and when you sit down there is no relief, you still feel like you are expending that energy. Sure if you sit and do nothing for a few days you might feel a little bit better, lethargic but not quite so bad but all it takes is going up the stairs to use the bathroom and you are right back where you were.
They can't pinpoint what causes it, many people come down with a very bad sort of flu and just don't recover, others it just happens. For me, well, I think someone made a very very bad mistake that will cost me the life I was supposed to live. This is theory of course but it makes a lot of sense. I've read that the rubella virus is one of the viruses suspected to cause CFS, I didn't have rubella but I did get a rubella booster during my medical clearance for my new job at the hospital. How was I to know it was a live virus? I'm not a doctor. I have suppressed immune system and I'm not supposed to get live virus vaccinations. Perhaps that small amount of live virus was enough to trigger CFS, all I know is a few weeks later I collapsed at work and I had to be taken to the ER, I was more and more tired as the weeks went on but I had started a new job and was working lots of hours, I figured I just wasn't used to it. I started my job in April, by August the doctor had pulled me out of work, I never got to go back.
Just a few months ago I was active, I did yoga every day, I got through household chores with the annoyance that household chores brings with it. I grocery shopped and ran errands without a second thought. Now I sport a handicapped permit, a cane and am wheelchair shopping.
No treatment. No cure.
I am officially beginning life as a disabled person.
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