I quit my job today, it sucked, badly, but I had to let go. Whatever is going on is more than my RA flaring or one of my other illnesses. All of my blood work is coming back normal which leads me to believe that it could quite possibly be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Leave it to me to get another disease that I didn't really believe in. I haven't been diagnosed yet but all of the symptoms are there. Crushing fatigue that has turned my life upside down, yet I have insomnia at night, muscle weakness, night sweats, brain fog, cognitive issues, muscle pain and normal lab tests....
Letting go is hard, almost harder this time around. I finally felt a little bit better, I got a job, I felt like I was becoming the old me again and then I had to let me go again. People tell me that I should make new goals for myself, that I should learn to appreciate the life I have now but I haven't quite figured out how. How do you appreciate a life that you never wanted to lead? A life that feels more like existing than living? I'm still the same person inside, my mind is still the same, my body just won't cooperate. How do once active people that became paralyzed do it?
I know this is a weird place to end a blog post but I'm just at a complete loss right now.
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